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Lucas’ compulsive use of gay pornography sexualized being gay - creating an association between being gay and images depicted in gay porn.
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He later used it to test himself to determine his sexual identity. Lucas, isolated and confused as a young teen, used pornography for distraction and relief from painful feelings. He said he was actually relieved when his father ‘busted†him so he wouldn’t have to go through with it. Lucas noted that, although he was attracted to boys, he wasn’t attracted to this boy but capitulated - hoping this experience would help him discover whether or not he was gay. In this case, the other boy approached him persistently. He claimed he’d never acted on his “crushes†- never consummating anything sexual with another boy. In therapy, Lucas revealed having been secretly attracted to boys for years. Lucas reassured his dad - telling him he was just confused. He confided that his dad became furious and tearful when he saw the text. Lucas knew he was disappointing his parents - they couldn’t handle him being gay. His dad initially resisted the idea of letting Lucas know that he’d love and accept him no matter what, fearful this would be giving him “permission†to be gay and encourage him.
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Lucas’ parents admitted they didn’t want their son to be gay and tried to convince him otherwise. Without much struggle, Lucas showed him a male porn site. Lucas’ dad found a text message on his son’s phone to a boy from school confirming their hook up for “man sex.†Previously, he had gone into his son’s room and found Lucas, 16, quickly covering his computer screen. How parents respond to their teens can have significant impact in helping to insulate them from outside stressors and offer a safe haven to seek help.
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In the wake of recent suicides of young gay boys, parents are seeking help regarding how to protect their children. How to Be Protective When Your Son Thinks He is Gay